tube tied

given that i'm often the maternal one in relationships- it's nice to be "mothered" every once in awhile. these days, that's laurie's role, although she's much wilder and crazier than my mom!

our conversation turned into an extensive lecture about dating men.

l: (sigh of relief) only this past year did i finally got my hubby down to 3 times a week.

v: and that's a good thing?

l: yes! sometimes i just want to be left alone.

v: hmm, i know of women who have the opposite problem. they want it more than their partners.

l: (giving me a serious stare) what type of guys are these? are they american?

v: (i nod my head) for the most part yes.

l: then they should date europeans. it's true. american men spend too much damn time obsessed with sports- basketball, football, baseball, hockey. you name it and all year round, there's some sport to follow and american men are always spending all their time with their male friends. all their testosterone gets riled up and spent on sports! european men only get excited about soccer and the world cup once every four years! they are more into spending time with you and the family.

v: (totally disregarding the fact that a european man can obsess just as easily and as much over soccer as any american man over all american sports combined!, i prodded her on) you think so? tell me more. all european men?

l: let me tell you. i married at 25. but before i got married, i dated every type of guy. didn't waste my time if he wasn't exciting, if he had a small *you know what*, and if he didn't do it for me. but you gotta stay away from the greeks.

v: really? why?

l: my GOODNESS. . unless you want it up the ass! they will keep you under their thumbs they are so domineering.

v: hmm. ok. what about latins?

l: ooo. that would be nice. romantic. their culture is very sensual, dancing, etc.

v: so you don't think there would be a problem with sex drive with them?

l: hmm. well, they are all about scoping out women. when they talk to you they will stare at your boobs. so they are arousal is always elevated and this could lead to a lower sex drive too.

v: hmm, so i guess europeans are the way to go huh?

l: yep. i married a german.

while i found laurie's advice giving endearing, i found most of the conversation (which continued on for a bit) amusing. i find it hard to believe that american men are so tied to the tube watching sports that they are not as passionate and sensual with their partners. . . your thoughts?