falling in and out of love

lately i've found myself thinking a lot about the past. triggered partially by a question posed by nels. . . what caused me or when did i fall out of love with my ex? in the midst of sorting through old photos that i could submit for nels and george's party, i realize how much of my adult life was spent with the ex. i forget sometimes, that life that we shared and the path i chose not to take, somehow it seems like something i've read in a book or seen in a movie.

so what went wrong?

certainly there was a period when i was in love with the ex. in fact, i remember the beginning as being fairytale like. a strong emotional connection from early on. after the honeymoon period, i remained content- able to rationalize our differences, afterall, the ex treated me well and we got along fine.

i guess the hard thing to pinpoint is how one can go from being in love to falling out of love.

i think i feel for the ex because he was the opposite of my previous boyfriend, and was what i needed at that particular time in my life. my previous ex had been noncommital/standoffish, selfish, immature, and unkind. (not to say he was a bad guy, we were very young and he had family issues) in comparison, the ex was a breath of fresh air- loving, giving, caring, sweet, affectionate, etc. so the beginning was great- neither of us held back, didn't question anything, and put a lot of energy into the relationship. nevertheless, it wasn't enough in the end.

i think the differences- in interests, life goals, styles, personalities, etc became impossible for me to ignore. in the course of our dating, i had somehow lost sight of what i wanted and who i was. the failure of that relationship taught me that it is absolutely non-negotiable to know who you are, what you are looking for, and to find that someone that loves you exactly the way you are. (btw, this is a problem with all the asian mothers out there pressuring their daughters to marry young- how many 20 year olds know who they really are?)

that all being said, does that mean relationships with passionate uninhibited beginnings are destined to fail? does the alternative- taking it slow and holding back, work any better? in reality, there is probably no right or wrong answer. . . and falling in love and staying in love is just a matter of circumstance, luck, hard work, and faith.