car ride revelations

had an epiphany yesterday morning on my drive to work- listening to an episode of this american life. interviews of middle aged women that were going through the arduous process of selecting a sperm donor. you see these women had gotten to the point in their lives where they were tired of waiting to get married and just wanted the "baby" part.

i won't get into the whole argument of whether or not it's sensible for a single woman to bring a child into the world. yes, every woman should be able to have the miraculous experience of having and raising a child. then again, i think it can be difficult for a boy to grow up without a father figure.

in the middle of listening to these women and their selection process, it started to dawn on me that i may never find someone that i want to marry. i can easily see myself having fulfilling, meaningful relationships with different individuals throughout the course of my life. but marriage. . . i'm not so sure yet. . . i then realized that i would have to become comfortable with the idea that i might never get married or necessarily have children. fortunately, i can do the latter vicariously through my sister's children and my friends' children.

until now, i had never questioned whether or not i would ever get married, it was more a matter of timing. yet, it's not so terrible of a fate. it beats settling. it beats divorce. just some reflections.