check please

you've had a fabulous conversation, enjoyed a wonderful cocktail or dinner, and then there's that inevitable, awkward moment. the waiter brings out the bill and places it front of the male customer.


scecario 1.

guy immediately pulls out his billfold or wallet and pays before gal even has a chance to say or do anything. moment passes.


woman thinking, " awww, that was nice of him!! problem solved, glad i don't have to stress about arguing over who is paying. . . "

scenario 2.

guy ignores the bill and continues to talk. girl is very aware that the bill has been placed on the table.

woman thinking, "hmm. . .does this mean he wants to go dutch, should i offer to pay half? is this a date? maybe he just wants to be friends?"

and then there's me.
scenario 3.

guy glances at the check and reaches for his wallet.

v: want to split it?

guy: no no, i want to get this.

v: are you sure?

guy: yea

v: ok, i'll get the next round of drinks.

i've always felt weird about letting a guy pay for meals, etc. . i believe this stems from being raised not to take anything from anyone. .that i should do thinks for myself. and i learned to associate another person paying as a form of dominating someone and this signalled a risk of being dependent on someone, something i did not want. moreover, most of my dating experience has been in the context of a commited, serious relationship so it made sense to share the burden of going out and i never had to deal with this whole issue.

now it's this awkward, weird thing. i'm not the type of girl that will write a guy off if he doesn't pay for everything. i think there is a lot involved- who asked who out? etc.

perhaps there is a biological component? a guy that can pay is more likely to be a good provider. regardless, i am kind of curous about the male perspective on this issue. . .

all those